I'll tell you guys a story this morning to try to lighten the mood.
I was looking over the pictures from my weekend escapade with the fab five, and I ran across one with Broad and a guy named Zook (he wears jewelry).
The guy oozes creepiness and it reminded me of a guy that we have here in M-town that does the same thing. Kel and I have even given him a nickname Creepy McCreeperson.
Creepy (like Zook) is a regular at the club scene. You can pretty much count on him being at the same bar and using the same lines to pick up (or to attempt to pick up the womens).
Creepy has a way of looking at you that makes your skin just want to crawl off of your body (you know what I'm talking about). And he is touchy feely in an inappropriate way.
Kel and I have been so grossed out by him, that we developed a secret way of warning the other when we see him approach. It's like a bird call - if Kel was standing alone, and I saw Creepy approaching, I would call out "Ca-caw! Ca-caw!" Kel would recognize this, and quickly sidestep his oncoming creepiness.
Okay so about a year and a half ago, the Jayhawks were in town playing a show - and like the good little fan I was there along with Kel and some other friends. Creepy was in rare form. Kept walking up to Kel and telling her that he thought her friend was so cute and that kel needed to give him the hookup.
I was trying to survive by making frequent trips to the bathroom and being on the other side of the bar from him.
So, here I am... on about my fourth Harp and needing my fifth. New Beer and molestation? or No Beer and lose my buzz?
I took a deep breath and bellied up to the bar. No Creepy in site. Good... he had found someone else to harass. But then... I heard the warning "Ca-CAW!" And just as I turned to see from what side the assault would be coming from, Creepy LICKED MY FACE.
Okay let me rewind that and play that again.
I turned.
HE LICKED MY FACE.
And anyone that knows me and knows how FREAKED out I am about germies and what not, knows that LICKING IS NOT COOL WITH SNIDGE!!!
A lot of people at this point like to ask me "Did you kick him in the ding-ding?"
No... I stood there in SHOCK. I could do nothing else. Thankfully Eric was there and stepped in to tell him to go on.
I still run into Creepy (it's a small town) and it never fails, he always asks the same thing.
"So... how come you won't ever go out with me?"
"Okay... Creeps... YOU LICKED MY FACE. Got it? What about that do you not understand?"
"Yeah.. but I don't do that anymore."
Right.
Oh my gosh- that is so DISGUSTING! You poor thing!
I think I would have just been in shock too.
What does he look like? Because I went out on a blind date that ended where the guy tried to PICK MY NOSE.
I'd like to think it's the same guy. Because two of them? Even scarier.
(shrieks with laughter) I'm PRETTY sure our Zook isn't capable of that, but then again ...
Eeeewww. Now I've got some serious heebs.
Guess it's a good thing that the Wad behaved himself.
Licking faces has always worked in the past...
For the love of everything right and good...Face licking? A stranger? WTF? Eeeewwww is right.
A related story, a very sweet 3 year old was convinced by an uncle to "Cow Kiss" a grandma figure. So, she went up to unsuspecting granny and licked her cheek... both shrieked in shock and delight... Difference... they kept it in the family!
YUK...I know exactly what I would have done! Slapped his face without even thinking about it....then my man would have taken him outside and .....well...he wouldnt have licked anyone again I can assure you 
EEEEEWWWWWW!!! and that doesn't even describe it. I know a guy like that. Hell it may be the same guy this being Memphis and all! That or he has a twin brother! lol I feel the need to bathe now. :)
Ugh, ew, ick.
It's too bad you couldn't work up some vomit to spew on him.
*shudder* *skin crawling*
Wad only "licked face" to fuck with Broad.
Though, given the Broad, Wad really wasn;t sue where that face had been.
nauseous wad...
What in the wide-wide world of sports would lead a man to believe licking someone would have a positive effect? Sweet jayzus Kripple Kriston a krutch! This kinda thang makes me wonder why any woman would let a man within 12 feet of her. how dissapointing. Please knee this asshat in the gonads and put him in eternal pain for me. These Asshats make it hard for decent males to approach females seriously. Geez, I don't have the words....sorry
Eww. Eww. Eww. WTF?! See, it's stories like this that remind me why I'm pushing so hard for a reconciliation rather than a divorce. I seriously think I would have run, screaming, from the building.
Wad behaved?
I'd hate to see the naughty Wad.
(He was trying to get us all liquored up. C'est vrai... C'est vrai. Girls... back me up)
I had some random guy lick up my arm once after he accidentially spilled his beer on me .... oh, ew is right.
*shivers*
Let wad get this straight.
Ms. "I helped Wad drink all the Dos Equis in the fucking bar" Snidge and Mrs. "This damn margarita isn't strong enough, give me a straight shot of tequila" Headcase are pandering aspersions on Wad's character in the hopes that he would admit to trying to get them drunk?
Um. Yeah.
C'est vrai? Non. C'est non vrai. C'est vache merde.
Tellement là .
I do vaguely remember the waitress saying something about... "Here's the last dos equis..."
Did we arm wrestle over that one?
Ok. What's up with you and all the French, Wad!?!? You did this over at my crib, too. You tryin' to be fancy or something!?!?
I knew wad for almost 4 years and never saw naughty wad... though gentleman wad was an interesting fellow at times.
Wad: Cessez de parler français. Apprenez à parler espagnol comme le reste du monde.
(God bless the diminutive Babel Fish)
So... ladies... licking's out? Guess I need to switch to my backup: the casual grope.
Totally kidding (except about the french part),
Dix
"Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère. It's like wiping your arse with silk. I love it." - The Merovingian, The Matrix Reloaded
Literally translated: Name of god of whore of bloody hell of filth of jerk of asshole of your mother.
Oh yeah, well... yo mama!
Seriously, if that passes for an insult in France, perhaps John Cleese wasn't very far off the mark...
Your mother was a hamster,
Dix
It's from"caddyshack"
"I was born to love you
I was born to lick your face
I was born to rub you
but you were born to rub me first"