Don't forget your mantra: No Jive in '05! 
So...
I have a story tonight...
Let's travel back in time two years ago, and I was speaking to an older gentleman friend of mine who had been involved fairly seriously with a gal. Everything looked to be aces... they were MADE for each other... and one day he came in, stopped by my office and told me that it was over... I was so heartbroken for him. And so I said, well what happened? And he said that she wanted kids... he couldn't have kids... and it was a problem. It was something that
Now let's fast forward to current time.
I think I've made it pretty clear on here that I don't believe in love at first sight... I really just don't.
But I do believe that there are people that come in and out of your life (and they can be friends or they can be lovers) that you have that instant "hey... wow," kind of feeling - and Snidget has only experienced this twice... really... although the first time I question as to whether it was really just a physical 'wow' or not.
And obviously... the physical attraction is part of it... but it's a deeper and cooler thing too... It's this electrical charge... it's a magnet...
It's someone being able to put your thoughts into words.
And when you get that with someone... it's crazy... but a good crazy, right? It blows the mind... and most importantly, it just feels right. Or it feels like it certainly has the potential to be right.
It's that "feeling of rightness" that keeps you in the game...
But what if this person that you have this electromagneticblahblahblah thing with has one flaw... and it's not like they bite their fingernails... It's like a big damn flaw, okay?
Achilles heel - the tragic imperfection to something that otherwise might just... fucking work.
And that's what I got... that's what snidge has right now... staring at her right in the face.
Something that could be really good... and really right... except for this one thing.
And it's a big thing... a thing that I can't wrap my head around.
So I can ignore it... and keep going... just trudge straight ahead...
Fuck it all! I'm going in!
Or I can sit back... and I can wait... But you're waiting for what? For something that might not happen... and meanwhile life is going on...
And the last choice of course is just to walk away... because unfortunately, this is a story that I can't write the ending to... This ending is out of my control. This ending might just really suck, you know?
"I've got to let it go now... or it will drag me under..."
But the draw and the temptation of the "wow" is strong... and it's seductive.
And while the stakes are high - the payoff could be big - at least for awhile.
So even though... I knew the problem was always there, I chose to ignore it - albeit stupidly. And so I get deeper and deeper into it.
What can you do?
You play out all the scenarios...
I look to my left, and I see ruins... and I look to my right and I see a possible disaster... and I look straight ahead - and I just... see being able to be... Just be. Because that's part of the 'wow' too you know? It's just.... comfortable.
Though it breaks all my rules.. This flaw does... it doesn't pay attention to my codes... My standards...
I want to believe... I do.
I got to get out of this town for a few days. You guys have a good fourth.
hey, if it is meant to be, it is. don't put too much pressure on it... you know, things can be fixed... even when they feel huge.
I just matched up two perfect people who can't get over their own neurosis to relax around each other. I know the feeling. Sorry, babe.
I just went through this and in my case I received a nasty owie. I keep hoping and believing that something this awesome will right itself down the road. That whole "if its meant to be" crap. But man it sucks when you realize your own fears/biases/inner skeptic has completely sabotaged that "wow!"
Here's hoping your path is easier. :)
I've met someone who I think is perfect for me. Match.com would have never paired us up so what do they know. You never know how things will work out, no pain no gain. If it works it''s a truly wonderful thing. Go for it and good luck to you unless the big flaw is something you simply can't deal with. Think hard about it.
I ignored the gut feeling about the "one thing" and went for the seduction of the rest of it. After 8 years in what was a pretty terrible relationship, I finally broke free. It wasn't worth it. If something is that wrong and is a big hang up for you from the very beginning, there is a reason for that. It is a self-preservation tactic. Let it go. Move on. Something that is even more right will come along eventually.
I hope it someone works itself out no matter what it is. I guess you just have to ask yourself... is it better to have something or nothing at all. I think I would rather have the something so that I can carry it with me and everything happens for a reason.
So... enjoy it while you can and when its too much then make your decision. Life is too damn short not to enjoy what makes you feel good, long term or not.
Thats my two cents after having the hardest three weeks of my life and it really has made me take note of what is truly important.
Happy 4th Snidge, have a good one ;)