That's all.

Seriously - when I look at pictures of myself, I am just like, my God... They are the only thing that I see.

Talk about negative body image.

Why is that? And I know I can't be the only one out there that suffers from it. Who has a correct view of how they appear to others? You either think you are fatter than how you really are.. or you think you are skinnier than how you really are (BC is a good example of this).

And it doesn't seem to matter how much weight I lose... the thighs stay intact. I f'ing hate them.

You remember him... gweedo. Mr. slicky hair - neatly trimmed mustache and goatee - pinky ring - bracelet - AND necklace.

Now... I realize many of you do not know me except for this blog - but I must ask you... what about me would equal a guy that wears jewelry?

No.

And remember I told my friend that he seemed nice, but was not my type.

All right... cut to yesterday. I have a voicemail. "Snidget, this is X Y, please give me a call at your earliest convenience."

Umm... okay... I was thinking damn... what have I done? It's obviously an LTC number at another campus... but I don't know who it is.

So I pick up the phone and call. X Y answers. "Hello"
"Hello... XY?"
"Yes..."
"It's Snidget"
"Oh hi..."
"um... hi..."
{awkward silence}
"Remember... I'm ann's friend..."
{light bulb goes off in Snidget's head} "Oh yeah! {then in more of a groan} yeah...."
"So it's been a long two weeks.."
"What?"
"Since we last met.. you know it's been two weeks..."
"No.. I didn't realize that."
"Yeah... So I was wondering if you wanted to go to lunch..."
{Snidget winces as she finds herself saying...} "umm... okay... like when?"
"I was thinking today"
"oh... no... I can't do today..."
"Okay... well what day works better for you..."
"I guess I could do Thursday..."
"Okay great.... why don't I send you an email and you can send me one back and tell me where you want to go that day..."
"all right..."

DAMMIT! Why didn't I just say no.

So I kept going back and forth yesterday... Should I go? I could make it clear that I just want to be friends... But I have a bad feeling about this one...

I send him an email at 7 this morning telling him that something has come up and I can't go.

Morning goes by - no reply email from him - GREAT! Maybe he got the hint. So I leave and run some errands at lunch, come back and oh I have not only an email, but I also have a voicemail.

The email only has "What day is better for you?" in the body.

The voicemail is sounding desperate "*Please* give me a call back..."

I figure it's okay to blow this one off, right?

I knew I had a bad feeling for a reason.

I would have also added obsessive on that list... but whatever.

Do you think your month is pretty accurate? They all sort of sound the same if you ask me.

JUNE:
Easy to talk to. Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness.
Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind.
Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills.
Has that someone* always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character.
one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting
colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.

_______________________________

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.
Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful.
Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody
and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful.
Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary
things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms
impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong
sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations.
Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always
broods about the past and the old friends. HOT. Waits for friends. Never
looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved.
Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
_________________________________
AUGUST:
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. no self control.
kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisteroius. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an "everything's peachy"
attitude. likes talking and singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily
distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be loved.
hates studying. in need of "that someone". longs for freedom. rebellious
when withheld or restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring. always a
suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to a special
person. stubborn. courious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

_________________________________
SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point
out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to
talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed.
Loyal and always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and
knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when
criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions.
Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships.
Systematic. Sexy but has brains.
_________________________________
OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the
center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making
friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but
definately the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

_________________________________
NOVEMBER:
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times.
Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Very skilled at making love.
Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Messy, playful, secretive. Very emotional and temperamental
sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless
and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially
very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you
ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them
because their one of a kind.
____________________________
DECEMBER:
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking person possible...
better than all of these other months!Loyal and generous. SEXY.
Patriotic. Competetive in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be
with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be
loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Changing. Fearless.

Tell me buttercup - you stupid f-cking b-tch, how is it that when you make an unauthorized change to the LTC website in an area that doesn't even belong to you, that suddenly it is a problem between communications and marketing? Why isn't it your f-cking fault?

Why is it that suddenly, we aren't following the company guidelines regarding the site? How do you figure that? It hasn't been a problem EVER that I f-cking know about?

Accountability, you stupid wh-re. Learn it.

9/11 - 9/17
Aquarius - Hold on Aquarian! This week is going be a roller coaster which actually fits well with your erratic and unconventional (read neurotic) behavior. You'll certainly meet another 'boy' (not as hot as the one from last week, but still). A night of passion will be shared and then he'll never call you again. The lunar orb in Leo says "Sorry."

9/18 - 9/24
Aquarius - Venus finally enters your house on the 19th - and we all know what venus rhymes with! Take home that 22 year old Starbucks barista! Unfortunately, Aquarian, you'll think you are madly in love - which will complicate things when you experience a crash and burn on the 26th.

9/25 - 10/1
Aquarius - Hey dear Aquarian! Relax! Your personal life is looking up! Which actually - isn't saying much. You're a trainwreck, baby! Nevertheless, chin up, water girl. Every day is an adventure... every experience something to learn from.

I love being able to mute my phone, put it on speaker, and go into the other room and fold laundry.

When gas hits $3 (has it yet?), I'm pushing to work from the "home office" two days a week.

I depend on Chris to give me good music recs - and he didn't disappoint with Doughty's Haughty Melodic.

So I guess those of you that have the album, probably have a favorite song off the list... but mine is the one in this post, mainly because of the opening lines - and hey... I of all people can appreciate some self-deprecating humor.

I can see guitar boy playing this song - I think Mike Doughty sings in the same range that GB does.

Anyhow..

Here you go... listen... enjoy... know Mike Doughty... love Mike Doughty.

About 1:30 this afternoon, my heart started beating so hard that I thought it was going to come out of my chest, and I felt like someone was squeezing me because I couldn't breathe. Dizziness.. didn't think I could get up. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack.

I was torn between feeling like I was going to pass out and this incredible urge to just make a run for it out of the building. So I leave and go over to my parents, check my blood pressure. It's slightly high... but nothing HORRIBLE. I go online and look up anxiety and then start researching panic attacks... Jesus.

This has got to stop... the not sleeping was bad enough, but this... was very scary. Thank God I'm going to the doctor on Wednesday.

Friday I got a late start on the road and actually had second thoughts about taking the drive... just because emails were flying back and forth and phone calls were coming in fast and furious in prep for the hurricane. But I needed a quick, cheap getaway. And so bus demolition it was.

I got in around... well I guess close to midnight at Broad's. She was a good hostess with beer and pizza waiting. Mmmm.... beer.

So we stayed up till 2, I guess.... chatting and watching some documentary on Star Wars (which was weird). I was so mentally and physically exhausted, that I actually slept FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT on Broad's sofa. Even though I still woke up at 6 and couldn't go back to sleep it didn't matter. I was just excited to get that much sleep in one stretch.

We got up, go dressed, went to EWK's where he unleashed my inner rock star with my hair, then we went to the mall in search of some fake eyelashes, couldn't find any, so just bought some make up, went to some crafts fair that Broad had to write about, then headed home to get ready for the show.

Wad and his lovely wife met up with us for dinner, and they were (AND SHOULD HAVE gone) supposed to go to the demolition with us, but someone was scared off by the parking situation at the race track.

Let me describe in detail the demolition... and this will probably not be entertaining to anyone except Broad and me - because I swear, we nearly pissed ourselves we were laughing so hard the entire time.

The track is a dirt figure 8 and the races start out with just regular cars. They don't race the 8, instead just do the outside circle. We saw everything from Ford festivas to Buick LeSabre's out there. The group started picking out their favorites ("I got #57! No no, I want 0!") but we quickly were amused by the ALL BLACK 666 car which came peeling away from the start line with much "anger and rage."

Some funny quotes from this segment:

Oh my god!! It's pure pandemonium out there racefans!! There's not one, but TWO #3 cars! Go Earnhardt!
What's up with the 666 car? Look at the driver? He's goth and all in black.
Look at 0!!! The race has just started and he's all ready said fuck it and headed towards the pits!

Next came the buses.
oh
my
god
People... this had to be the most redneck fun Snidget has ever had in her entire life. Seriously. And I kept thinking about Mr. K and my bro and thinking how they would have fucking LOVED this.
So what they do, is take old school buses - well they being different businesses, organizations, whathaveya. They paint and decorate the buses and the buses race the figure 8. It was WILD. Imagine if you will, old graffiti'd up buses (one was painted entirely pepto bismol pink) racing around, taking turns and nearly flipping over, nearly colliding with one another at the intersection of the 8. Our group was rooting for the Bellwood Fire Department's bus (I can't remember why), but that bus had engine problems and was out fairly early in the race. The pink pepto bus flipped over at turn 1 (where our group was sitting). So that left like... two other buses AND the General Lee bus (which was 01 and yes, yes had a horn that played Dixie) and Steve's bus. Now... I don't know who Steve was... I don't know his story... Just that somehow we knew that the white bus was Steve and we went crazy screaming for him every time he came around turn 1. The General Lee bus, fyi, had some kind of souped up engine - it was not a normal bus engine (I'm sure that Broad would agree). So here are some funny quotes from the bus races:

Steve!!! We're rooting for you man over here at turn 1!!!
Look at Steve!! Look at him!! He's all ready celebrating. He's got the celebratory beer popped open and is taking his victory lap early.
(at the site of Steve's bus pushing a stalled bus out of the way) Steve is now part of the maintenance crew. Race bus driver, race track debris-removal - he's a jack of all trades.

And yes yes... Steve did indeed win. As his bus crossed the finish line, it flipped over - and our group all agreed, that Steve, would not have wanted it any other way. Steve hopped out of the flipped over bus, and jumped on top raising his fists in the air (ah... sweet victory!). Several in our group rushed over to get their picture taken with the winner.

Next came the TRAILER RACES. Let me explain this to you: any kind of car can enter as long as it has a trailer hitched to it. Some of the trailers had old boats on them, some of them had pop-up campers, others had a table and chairs with Foghorn leghorn having dinner on it, you get the point. It was nuts. The rule was, whatever car is left on the track with at least one wheel on his trailer intact wins the race. Off they went. Funny quotes from our group during this segment:

SHUT UP! I don't even know where to look first!!
Ooooohhhhh, there goes the party barge!
Did you guys see that? Did you see that guy's name on the station wagon??? That's my guy right there... right there. The ACCIDENT INSTIGATOR.
No no no!! The popup just lost his microwave!

The cars got so crazy, that when some of them lost their trailers, they went around and started pushing the old trailers and boats, and campers and shit, BACK ONTO THE TRACK so that the other cars would hit them. (Yeah... that's right accident instigator! Push that bitch back onto the track!)

We had fun... I don't remember who won that race... just that it was insane. Broad's friends were hella cool. We had loads of fun.

Wife of Wad, email me. Next time, just call me and Broad and come out with us.

Next trip is to go see Mike Doughty and Snidge has said that her little bro may go. AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T EMBARASS HER. I'm trying to talk my friend Aims into coming with her man as well... so it will be another fun night I'm sure.

Which will sort of put a damper on the party at Broad's.

Snidge's brother also wants to come.

Snidget is not so sure about him meeting her friends.. but maybe.

In other news, my SUPER SECRET BLOG SPOILER ROCKS THE HOUSE!

And I can't take a picture of the loot, because my camera is being repaired. Seriously. I just sent it to the Sony repair place TODAY.

So I will describe what I got:

Super cute Hello Kitty notebook (I love da kitty)
A blue photo album with starbursts on it that is really cool
A Sushi Box!!!!!
And a wicked French dictionary (COOL!!!)

Turtle got some Incredibles cars! And he thanks my super secret pal as well.

I will try to keep everything as it is and then take a picture when my camera comes back to me (which is hopefully in a week).

Thank you blog spoiler!

Now... I'm back to watching where this hurricane is going to hit and when. Grr.

This made me laugh.

Thanks Mr. K

Can you guess this one?
What about this?

So to the girls of Moxie, I apologize for insinuating that you had anything to do with the S. Britt fiasco. I'm sorry. And I will tell anyone out there, that if you are looking for a designer, the wait is probably long, but the Moxie girls are good.

I feel the need to write about this, because I don't want anyone else to be duped. I don't want anyone else to pay money to have something NOT delivered to them. Let Broad and me be the lesson here.

Let me ask you a question: Let's say you were getting a room in your house painted. And so the painter came and he painted the walls. Said he'd come back later and finish up the trim. But he never came and he never called you. So you tried calling him - MANY TIMES. The painter never returned any matter of correspondence that you sent to him. FINALLY after you contacted a partner of his, he got back with you - but acted like you were a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS for even asking when he'd come back and finish the job that by the way, YOU HAD ALL READY PAID FOR. The painter keeps giving you dates when the work will be complete. But it never is. And so it's now a full three months after he had told you he was going to finish up the job, and it's still not done.

I ask you, WOULDN'T YOU BE A LITTLE PISSED???

Let me break it down for you in no UNCERTAIN TERMS: If you are looking for a design. Do not use Christina from Bonafide.

Don't have a problem with any of the other gals at Bonafide. It's not a problem with the company - it's just a problem with one designer. A designer who still has not finished up my design.

I could go into all the email correspondence... I could tell you how after asking (NICELY MIND YOU) when my site MIGHT be done, I (and Broad too) were banned from reading Christina's blog. I could tell you how she talked a bit of smack about us on that blog ("I'm so pissed at the internets right now!"). I could go on and on to tell you how Christina went fruitbat on me after I told her to just forget it. All of a sudden, I was "throwing a fit" and I was "treating her like crap."

Do I need to remind you guys that I'm a client here? A paying one at that?

You know... fuck it. I don't normally get into this kind of shit on here, but from what I understand, I'm not the first person that this happened to with her. Please PLEASE PLEASE, let me be the last.

I'm pissed... Pissed that I paid my money, and now am going to have to pay more to have someone else step in to take over this mess and get the job done. It's not the designer's fault that offered to help me out here... It's Christina's.

Fuck it. I have learned. And believe me when I say, Snidget doesn't need to be taught something twice.

I'm filing complaints with the appropriate groups and then I'm over this.

There I said it.

As I was growing up, I was taught not to "hurt people's feelings." And to "watch what I say." Don't be too direct or too forceful - that's not being soft and feminine.

This upbringing (which is common for girls in the south - hell it could be common no matter what part of the country you live in) breeds passive aggressivity - and I sort of resent that my mother always discouraged me from speaking up and saying what was on my mind.

I've had to ditch just about everything that my mother and my grandmother and my great grandmother told me as a little girl. Except for "which fork is used for the salad," all the advice they gave me is pretty useless.

I've learned over the past ten years (the span of my career)to say:

Instead of "I think"
Say "I know"

Instead of "kinda"
Say "It IS"

Instead of "Maybe"
Say "No"

Instead of "We should"
Say "You WILL"

I offer up this post to my fellow female workers. This past week, I've learned (more than ever) that it's okay to be the bitch. And it's okay to look someone dead in the eye and tell them that they are wrong.

I'm not saying to throw fits. In fact, men don't react well to emotion.

They do react to confidence and directness.

So every day that I walk into this building and every time I have to meet with yet another director who questions me, I remind myself that I know my job. I know it better than anyone.

I'm not here to make friends. Some people will not like me - and that's fine. There will be days when I feel beaten up and broken down. Lots of meetings will make me feel as if I am beating my head against the wall. People will try to block progress.

I am here to make sure that this project is a success. And I will.